We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
