I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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