Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
