they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
