dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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