i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
