I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
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you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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