Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pants are for mortals
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