You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
