I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
