Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
