we're blogging at a bar
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
