Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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