Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i would punch a child for taco bell
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And then my night got REAL pukey
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
