FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
