then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.