here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
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btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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