The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
