No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
