Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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