Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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