guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
