I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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