he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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