I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
