Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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