I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
