She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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