"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
