There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
