What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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