I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
