She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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