so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
