i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
