I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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