Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
