I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
