i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
