We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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