He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
