maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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