Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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