i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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