why didn't you poke me back
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize