so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
