Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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