I'm gonna have a badass scar
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
