i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
