And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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