you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
