Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
