are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
