im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
