You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
