Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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