pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
