i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
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Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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