How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
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As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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